Are you feeling pressed for time? Just don’t have the energy to remember prayer? Download the new Auto-Pray (TM) app today!
You’ll spend about ten minutes in initial setup. Using handy check-the-box options, indicate your prayer preferences, such as the standard package (1 morning, 3 meals, 1 evening) or any of a number of custom packages. You can go with the basic prayer (“we thank Thee for this day,” “we thank Thee for this food”) or add options of your choice. Want to thank God for the missionaries during morning prayer, and the Prophet during evening prayer? It’s as simple as check-the-box!
You can build your own linguistic nuances right in, too! Want to make sure to include important terms like “moisture”? We’ve got that option! Want to add lots of extraneous Thees and Thous, passive-voice construction, and archaic verbs? We doth haveth that one, too! You can even customize your prayer to be in Yoda form (“these blessings, we thank Thee for”) or even Pirate talk (“Arr, ye have our thanks”).
Once you’ve personalized Auto-Pray to suit your needs, just press the “Pray now” button on your phone, and the prayer of your choice will be delivered at the same speed that people give bank disclosures on the radio (plus auto-compression of long words) allowing even the longest prayers to be recited in less than five seconds. It’s Enos-level blessings with Laman-level effort — and easier than mumbling “bless that everyone travel home safely.”
Download it today!
(And stay tuned for Auto-Testimony, coming soon!)
Finally! This app will fill in the many gaps left by this wonderful service: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9JUqS4Q2A0
” Enos-level blessings with Laman-level effort”
Oh, bless you! Bless you! A gigabyte times bless you!
Can it bless sugary refreshments as well?
This is excellent! I’m totally going to uncheck the “thees and thous” options to make myself sound more unorthodox.
I take offense to using my name like that.
alotlikelaman.wordpress.com
I don’t want to fuel the fires of rampant speculation, but word on the street is that this handy app will be used this weekend at General Conference. Stay tuned!
When we lived in Florida, the Orlando temple cafeteria had a sign on the wall behind the counter that said, “The food has already been blessed.” True story. I have often wondered about the logistics. Did all the temple workers gather around the industrial-sized vat each morning, holding hands, and asking a blessing?
Anyway, this seems a perfect time to share this gem:
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9JUqS4Q2A0&w=560&h=315%5D
That is really interesting Alison! I always thought the point of praying over food was more for gratitude (or at least I think it should be) as opposed to trying to imbue the food with magical nutritious properties. Hard to imagine the temple cafeteria staff expressing gratitude on all our behalfs especially since one thing I would hope would work its way into any prayer was gratitude for the service of those in the cafeteria who made it! That sign is denying them blessings :)
We had that sign in the London Temple cafeteria too. I recall something about it being there not so much to tell folk they didn’t need to give thinks so much as to stall them passing judgement on those who didn’t appear to be doing so. Or something like that…
Rah/Alison. You may like this:
Excerpt
“What’s inherently wrong with food that requires it to be blessed? Why the shame and taboo when a morsel of goodness bursts the first fruits of flavor through our culinary receptacles before a supplication is pronounced? Surely there is a doctrinal source indicating that’s what’s supposed to be done, right? Right? Maybe not.”
Read more…
http://goo.gl/Kc90DH
‘The leaders of this country except for ___’, ‘My family except for___’? Hahaha! OMGoodness, that’s genius!