What the Smith Boys Said This Year

This year, Simon turned eleven, Nathan turned eight, Truman turned five, and Julie turned old.

December 6th
Nathan: “Does Rudolph’s red nose have anything to do with alcoholism?”

December 7th
Truman: “Mom, do you want to know something I don’t like about my body?”
Julie: “What don’t you like about your body?” “I don’t like using the bathroom because it takes up part of my fun time.”

December 14th
Nathan’s report on the live nativity he went to: “And they taxed us! So I taxed their dignity! You know how the centurions have those brushes on their helmets? I went up to one and said that the inn wanted its broom back. And then I tap danced.”

Julie: “What is that twisted piece of metal?”
Nathan: “Modern art. Modern art is junk.”

January 4
Truman to Julie: “I think we should marry.”

January 4th
Truman: “Two of Santa’s reindeer are hampster and darling.”

January 7th
Julie and Nathan did a massive and much-needed cleaning cleaning of Nathan’s room.
Much later that night . . .
Nathan: “Dad, I can’t sleep.”
Derrick: “Why?”
Nathan: “My room doesn’t feel right.”

January 14th
“Simon hung a grenade from his ceiling. If you stand under it, he gets to punch you. It’s like reverse mistletoe!”

January 20th
Nathan cut off his eyelashes.

January 21st
Truman: “I had a vision of candy and soda and donuts.”

January 23rd
Nathan, running to catch up with Julie in a store: “Sorry I fell behind; I was hypnotized by the BB guns.”

Janaury 26th
Nathan, at the ice skating rink: “I hate this! [sob] I want my money back!”
Twenty minutes later: “I love this! When can we come again?”

February 4th
Truman: “Nathan, what was my first swear word? Oh, I remember, it was ‘dammit.'”

February 13th
Nathan: “Mom, can I have a $145 dollar raise in my allowance?”

February 24th
Truman, handing Julie the parmesan and garlic popcorn seasoning: “I want Bad Breath Flavor.”

February 28th
Truman: “Can the weather decide when it wants to be hot or cold?”

Nathan: “The horror! There’s only one junk food cereal left and it isn’t even that junky!”

June 19th
Simon: “I have telekinesis, but I’m too lazy to use it.”

June 24th
Nathan: “If I told a really funny joke, would God laugh?”

June 26th
Nathan, in the middle of his math lesson: “I think I am having a nervous breakdown.”

July 9th
Julie explains Chik-fil-A’s “Dress Like a Cow Day.”
Simon: “So let me get this straight . . . a free sandwich, free soda, and free fries . . . in exchange for your dignity.”

July 12th
Nathan: “I have a plan for world peace, but I’ll need a thousand dollar grant.”

July 24th
Simon: “I am happy.”
Julie: “I would not have expected those words out of the mouth of someone washing dishes.”
Simon: “It is because I have fulfilled my life’s ambition.”
Julie: “Oh?”
Simon: “I burped the entire alphabet.”

Truman says: “Can I say ‘gee whiz’? Is that appropriate?”

July 25th
Nathan to Truman: “Your breath could stun a yak.”

August 7th
Julie wishes that just once she could hug Nathan without him yelping in a strangled voice, “medic!”

August 16th:
Truman to Julie, “Is it OK if I call you disco dude?”

August 25th
Nathan: “Recent scientific discoveries have shown that I do not have an inner child. I have an inner devil.”

September 7th
Nathan: “IKEA is my favorite place to get food. They have excellent macaroni and cheese and their Dr. Pepper has a cherry-ish hint.”

September 8th
Truman: “Mom, can you give me a buttermilk bath like they did Wilbur?”

September 12th
Simon: “There’s a fine line between difficult and funny and some day I am going to find it.”

September 20th
Nathan: “Is it against our religion to be encased in ice?”

September 29th
Julie: “Your next spelling word is ‘marriage.'”
What Simon wrote: “EVIL”

September 30th
Simon’s explanation for not correcting the oral usage errors in his grammar assignment: “Maybe they’re hillbillies.”

October 5th
Truman: “Mom, you are my friend, but if zombies start to chase us, I’m going to trip you.”

October 7th
We were talking with our kids about issues of trust, attachment, and discipline with foster children. Nathan says, “They should have a system for families like Amazon ratings and so if the kid finds out it is a five-star family, then they know that they can trust them.”

November 16th
Truman: “Kissing is disgusting. It’s just slobbering on people’s cheeks.”

November 23rd
Julie sits on Simon in order to have a chance to hug him. Simon: “Argh! Half a ton of pure mom!”

December 1st
For some reason the Wii wouldn’t work. Nathan calls Derrick at the office and says, “Dad! I need your help! My life has no meaning!” Unfortunately, D couldn’t diagnose it over the phone. Nathan hangs up, looking frantic, and says, “I’m going to have to start quoting Hamlet!”

Five years of previous installments of “What the Smith Boys Said This Year” can be accessed through this link.

17 comments for “What the Smith Boys Said This Year

  1. What a great idea to document these. A delight to read. (And a good reminder that I need to look for the humor in my own kids)

  2. Ah, it wouldn’t be Christmas without those precocious Smith boys! Give each of them a half-ton of pure mom hug from us.

  3. Like every year, I sit here laughing aloud and loving every second of these impossibly funny and charming kids. And now I’m late for work…

    But the January 4 Truman quote reminds me of something my 8 year old son said about 2 weeks ago:

    I was tucking him into bed, when he pointed to my husband in the other room and said, “Mom, why don’t you drop that old guy and marry me!”

  4. “What the Smith Boys Said This Year” is my new favorite holiday tradition. I look forward to this every year even more than I do to TBS’ “A Christmas Story” marathon!

  5. This and A. Greenwood’s “Betsey Pearl” postings are my annual staples in the Bloggernacle. Thanks for reloading me for another year!

  6. Wonderful! What a funny collection! I’m going to have to steal a couple of Nathan’s lines.

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