What the Smith Boys Said This Year

This year, Simon turned nine, Nathan turned six, and Truman turned three. For previous installments, see here, here, and here.

12.8.6
Nathan, handing Julie a 3 x 5 note card: “Mommy, please write everything you know on this piece of paper.”

12.10.6
Sunday school teacher: “Please stand up if you like green.”
Nathan: “I like nontranslucent green only.”

12.17.6
Nathan: “When Jesus comes, I’ll have to quit my superhero job because all the evil will either die, explode, or disintegrate.”

12.19.6
Nathan: “OK, Truman, time for your lobotomy.”

12.22.6
Santa: “What do you want for Christmas?”
Nathan: “A carbonite maker.”
Santa: “Who are you going to put in carbonite?”
Nathan: “Mass murderers.”

12.22.6
Radio: “. . . they used to laugh and call him names!”
Simon: “Like Tycho!”
Julie: “Tycho Brahe?”
Simon: “Yes! Because of his nose!”

12.30.6
Simon and Nathan burst into tears when we announce that we plan on moving to a new house. Careful questioning reveals that they are both devastated at the thought of leaving their mud pit in the backyard.

1.7.7
Nathan: “Mom, do you get to pick who your relatives are before you come to earth?”
Mom: “That’s a very interesting question. I don’t know.”
Nathan: “I don’t think you get to pick because I wouldn’t have picked Simon.”

1.10.7
Julie got into the habit of listening to Simon’s piano lessons from another room without watching him. Today she peeked in on him to find him lying down on the piano bench and playing with his eyes shut. He still sounded pretty good.
1.20.7
Nathan, eating pizza: “This is better than hardtack.”

1.26.7
Derrick: “Would you like some of that egg thing we had for dinner last night—you know, with the crust and the ham?”
Nathan: “You mean the quiche?”

2.17.7
Simon reading a logo: “‘ACE is a helpful place’ . . . which means that they are a desperate company trying to make money.”

3.3.7
Julie is smooshed up against the very edge of the (king-sized) bed. The only other occupant in the bed, Truman, says, “Little room, please!”

3.4.7
Julie: “You get to go to nursery today!”
Truman: “No nursery! IKEA!”

3.4.7
Nathan: “Church is boring. I can’t learn anything there because my head is full of naughtiness.”

3.7.7
Nathan, right before kicking the nurse who was giving him a shot: “You ugly cretin!”

3.7.7
Nathan: “Thanks for the frosting, Mom. It was so good when I put the chocolate chips on it that I almost cried.”

3.10.7
Julie: “Nathan, you sure are cute!”
Truman: “Me cute too!”

3.20.7
Nathan: “Mom, if I’m really, really good, can I have an A bomb for Christmas?”

3.25.7
Nathan demonstrated the mating dance that he is going to do when he meets the woman he wants to marry.

3.27.7
Julie: “In the new house, you’ll have your own room.”
Truman: “Own room, own keys, own car, drive Cici’s.”
4.4.7
Truman is trying to screw in a real screw with a toy screwdriver: “Not working. Getting fwustwated.”

4.17.7
Nathan announces that he plans of having a tribe of attack bunnies to protect his bedroom.

4.17.7
Simon: “Mom, how do ugly things like bugs and squid reproduce? Who would be attracted to them?”

4.19.7
Nathan: “Yes! Another loose tooth! Now I get to be the center of attention!”

5.24.7
Derrick: “Truman, get down. It is very dangerous to climb on that ledge.”
Truman: “My superpowers will help me.”

6.3.7
Julie: “Nathan, is that your Sunday School teacher?”
Nathan: “No, it is my evil nemesis.”

6.9.7
Nathan: “If there is a fire, I’ll use a rope to climb out of my window, walk down _____ Road, walk down ______ Road, make a u-turn at Interstate 35 and meet you at Kaleidoscope Toy Store!”

6.27.7
Truman: “Daddy, I ‘fraid.”
Derrick: “What are you afraid of?”
Truman: “Monsters.”
Derrick: “Where are the monsters?”
Truman: “In the closet.”
Derrick: “Should we get them?”
Truman: “Yeah! I get my sword!”
(sounds of rummaging in the next room)
Truman, reappearing with green sword: “I ready.”
Truman and Derrick count to three and then open the closet.
Truman: “Take THAT, stupid bad guys!”
Truman swipes at the shelves in his closet a couple of times.
Derrick: “Did we get them?”
Truman: “Yeah!”

7.5.7
Nathan: “Mom, if you actually value what is in this house, you have to buy me a gun.”

7.9.7
Nathan plans to buy fish and flush them down the toilet to set them free “because I think they have brains and care about their families.”

7.18.7
Nathan: “Dad, I’ve led a rugged life.”

7.20.7
Julie: “Huh. I missed two phone calls.”
Nathan: “Did you have your phone set to evaporate?”

7.20.7
Truman pretends to be the Cat in the Hat by standing on a stool with a stack of oatmeal packets on his head and then falling flat on the floor.

7.20.7
Julie, trying really hard, but unsuccessfully, to understand what Truman is saying: “Are you talking about Arthur?”
Truman: “I don’t know what I’m talking about!”

7.27.7
Nathan: “I’ve been eating so much that I bet I weigh 1000 libs!” [libs=lbs.]

8.14.7
Julie announces that it is time to clean the house.
Nathan: “Aw, you’re going to mess up all of our hard work for nothing.”

8.15.7
Truman: “What’s that?”
Julie: “Orzo. Can you say orzo?”
Truman: “No, I can’t say orzo.”

8.22.7
Truman: “When my eyes fall out at Wal-Mart, I’ll miss them, but that’s OK because the doctor can get me new ones.”

8.24.7
Truman, eyeing his oatmeal: “My porridge is too hot so I’m going to go for a walk.”

9.19.7
Julie wipes milk and cereal off of Truman’s chin. Truman: “Hey! Give me my beard back!”

9.19.7
Nathan: “Mom, have you ever had the experience of growing a mustache?”

9.21.7
Simon: “As long as I have a tongue, I don’t need a fork!”

9.23.7
Truman: “You’re my favorite mommy!”

9.23.7
Julie snuggles up to Nathan and talks baby talk to him.
Nathan: “I am not amused.”

9.24.7
Nathan: “Do you think it would be OK to make a cartoon like Tom and Jerry but with God and Satan?”

9.25.7
Nathan: “Mom, you need to take $4 out of my allowance and put it in Simon’s.”
Julie: “Why?”
Nathan: “I lost a bet.”
Julie: “Regarding what exactly?”
Nathan: “Whether we have any tartar sauce in the house.”

10.7.7
Nathan: “Mom, would it be OK if Simon and I exploded water balloons?”
Julie: “In the tub, I guess.”
Nathan: “Good, because we were.”

10.10.7
Nathan: “Don’t you think we should act like a normal family?”

10.10.7
A note that Simon left:
Dear Dad,
We are playing innocently in Nathan’s room.

10.19.7
Derrick: “Truman, time to come inside. But you can play outside tomorrow.”
Truman: “But it is tomorrow!”

11.9.7
Simon to Truman as Truman is about to execute a dangerous maneuver on the playground: “Don’t worry, Truman, if you break your arm you can sue the playground!”

11.9.7
Nathan: “Mom, why does the bad for you stuff always taste so good?”

11.15.7
Nathan is crying.
Derrick: “Are you OK?”
Nathan: “Of course I’m not OK!”

11.26.7
Truman, wearing a red cape, announces his plan to jump off of his changing table. Derrick tells him not to. Truman assures Derrick that his cape will help him fly. Derrick suggests that this might not in fact be the case. Derrick turns around to get a diaper and . . . THUD. Truman, after being comforted and having his bloody lip tended to, announces, “I think I need a bigger cape.”

11.26.7
Julie’s friend Laura was watching the boys. Truman choked a little on his oatmeal. He then looked expectantly at Laura. He waited. And then said, “You are supposed to ask if I am OK.”

11.27.7
Nathan, holding a chunk of Truman’s hair: “Dad, I’m going to use this piece of Truman’s hair to do voodoo on him.”