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Very Serious Harry Potter Q&A

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1. How does Harry Potter get from one room to another?

2. Why can’t Draco Malfoy use the door to get into a room?

3. What does Draco breathe?

(See below for answers).

—

Answers:

1. He uses the griffin door.

2. Because he has to slither in.

3. The Air of Slytherin.

—

Feel free to contribute your own (very Sirius) questions and answers.

83 comments for “Very Serious Harry Potter Q&A”

  1. How did Harry’s father and mother greet him when he used the R______ stone?

    …with deathly hallo’s.

    [edited slightly to somewhat obscure spoilers]

  3. I can’t, offhand, think of many books I’m proud to have _not_ read. Not reading a book seems like the height of ease.

    Step 1. Don’t open the book.

    That’s it, you’re done.

  4. I am very proud to say that I do not read Immigration and the Political Economy of Home: West Indian Brooklyn and American Indian Minneapolis, 1945-1992, (pub. American Crossroads) by Rachel Buff.

    Thanks, Frank M. Who knew self-esteem was just an Amazon search away?

  6. New ways of being proud of myself have suddenly opened up!

    Seriously, however, the question of whether one should read the Harry Potter books aside, it isn’t difficult to imagine there being books that one can be reasonably proud not to have read. If there’s a good reason not to read a book, and surely there can be good reasons, then one should be able to take pride in not having read it.

    I don’t mean to spoil the jokes, guys, but I assume that is the general form of what California Condor is thinking.

  9. What body part hurts the most on a sister missionary in Japan, me playing baseball on a hard rural field, and you with arthritis?

    Her-my-yo knee (I groaned when I heard it, but it was imaginative.)

  10. There are many things I have chosen not to read, but I can’t remember ever feeling pride in that choice.

  11. I usually take pride in the movies I choose not to watch. “Pride and Prejudice” is on the top of that list.

  12. I am very proud to say that I do not, in general, read the comments after blog posts. (But I am ashamed to say that I have read the comments to this one.)

  15. Ray (#10), perhaps you’ve not felt that pride, but are you saying you can’t imagine a situation in which you would feel it, not even a smidgen of pride? I don’t recall ever feeling pride in not reading a book, but I can imagine that it is possible, sometimes reasonably so, sometimes perhaps not.

    Consider the Harry Potter books. I’ve not read any of them. Among my family I have even pretended to be proud not to have done so, though it really is just a pretense, part of a running joke. The pride I pretend to take is in being an intellectual, too busy for such things.

    That is a joke because I don’t think I ought to think myself too busy for such things (only too busy for and too uninterested in these particular things). Nevertheless, it isn’t difficult to imagine that a book would come along that I would be proud not to have read. Perhaps Dan Brown’s rumored book about Mormonism would be such a book. Not reading his DaVinci Code didn’t create a feeling of pride in me, but it could have and perhaps it should have.

  16. I give thanks that I am not as other men–haters of great BBC dramas based on great Jane Austen books, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this Jacob in #11.

  17. My apologies to all for the threadjack. I know that in this case seriousness is a threadjack and I promise not to engage in it any more–not even if Ray responds with a perfectly serious challenge to my argument in #15.

  18. I thought mentioning Dan Brown automatically made you unserious. Was I wrong, Jim F.?

  19. I’m an idiot. I thought Harry had to go through the Dumble door.

    Here’s a question, why are they called death eaters? I know it sounds kinda spooky and all that but in the end, eating detah sounds kind of merciful to me, like:

    “So, there I was, on my death bed when this death eater comes along, eats death and now I’m still alive.”

    Shouldn’t they be called Death Vomiters cause they just vomit death all over [edited] and [excised] and such and such?

  20. Jim F.,

    “it isn’t difficult to imagine that a book would come along that I would be proud not to have read.”

    I am very proud of all the books I don’t find it difficult to imagine myself not reading.

  22. JimF, I have been smiling through this entire thread. I even posted a response to the actual post, unlike all of you heathens who have ignored Kaimi’s request and forged ahead – uncaring – with your own discussion – hilarious as it has been. I can’t use the evil smiley face here, but I can add a (*Grin*) occasionally, if you would like.

    If anyone has heard any other HP jokes, I would love to hear them. It would give me some cred with my kids.

  23. The pride I take in not reading Harry Potter book is not particular to them, but connected more generally with the burning piety I feel for avoiding novels in general.

    As for Dan Brown: If I had known beforehand how lame I would feel during and after reading Da Vinci Code, I would have taken pride in not having read it… :)

  24. Knock, knock.

    Who’s there?

    Professor.

    Professor who?

    Professor McGonagall.

  26. How about some other very serious jokes:

    Q. Why did the boy scout get kicked off the Times and Seasons blog?

    A: He tried to burn Green wood.

    Q. What do T&S’ers like to drink?

    A. Jim and tonic, or some Welch’s.

    Q. What was Ms. Parshall before rising to T&S fame?

    A. A starving Ardist.

    Good ‘Evans! Think I’ll stop now.

  34. Frank McIntyre,

    A Harry Potter book is the literary equivalent of a bag of Oreos. Oreos are sugary, addictive, and they make your belly soft. Harry Potter makes your brain soft.

    I have not eaten a bag of Oreos this morning, and I am proud of it. It was quite easy:

    1. Do not eat Oreos.

    2. You’re done.

  35. CC: Plagiarism is not a good thing – unless attributed. I have read that exact same comment more than once, and it was just as mindless each of those times.

    Oops; too serious.

    Wow, CC. That sure was funny.

  37. mmm… Oreos….Think I’ll go grab me a bag. That way I can eat them while I read Harry Potter.

  38. Ray,

    I’ll just say that California Condor is not my real name… and I just plagiarized myself.

  41. JW – Oops, CC: I know – hence my attribution comment. I tried to be subtle, but I forgot about my mushy brain. My bad.

    At the risk again of being serious on a hilarious thread, can we keep this from being a HP bash/defend thread and focus on the continuing hilarity?

    Darrell, instant classic. Amazing. I bow in adoration. It’s obvious you haven’t read the books, or your brain wouldn’t be so sharp.

  42. Ray,

    Don’t spill the beans, please, on my new nom-de-plume for blog posts.

  47. California Condor — sheesh, no wonder your species is endangered! Don’t you know a sense of humor is one of the top things people look for in a mate?

    “Harry Potter” may be mental ice-cream but life would be boring indeed if we only ever had mental chick-pea salad. (Whatever the literary equivalent to that would be.)

  48. PDoE

    If you want to get dressed up in a wizard robe and a pair of plastic glasses, and wave a magic broom around while you and your friends have an all-night Potter read-a-thon, don’t let me stop you. Just remember that life is short. Do you want to spend it inhaling bags of Cheetos, or savoring fine French cheeses and mineral water?

  49. Instead of French cheese and mineral water – I wonder how fried Condor tastes . . .

  51. Mineral water? Don’t you think the parody is getting a little broad there?

  54. Okay, this thread has seen more than enough bellyaching and whining.

    Here’s a hint: If you don’t like Harry Potter

    (1) Don’t read it.

    (2) And DON’T make condescending comments on a thread intended for Harry Potter jokes.

    Not hard, is it?

    Yes, you are all _so_ much cooler than the unwashed masses. You drink mineral water for breakfast over your cheerios.

    Well, please help yourself to a tall glass of shut-the-hell-up, and find another thread to tout your amazing literary coolness. Any further comments along this line, Condorman, and I’ll clip your wings and drop you on a power line.

  57. I am proud that I bought all seven HP books in hardcover for my wife, and I actually read the seventh one before she did. Woohoo!

    Oh, sorry, that’s more of a Simpsons expression. Doh!

    And thank you, Kaimi for clipping Condor’s Weng(er)s. (Or was it, thanks for Snaping Condor’s neck?) Either way, it was starting to get a little Harry in here. I’d hate to have any petty arguments Severus bloggers. We should always want to Lupin the non-readers, though, and we ought to be careful Neville to exclude anyone. Of course, some people are a bit Moody, and can’t help but keep Moaning. It might be a Goyle thing (if CC’s a she-C, that is). At any rate, being a Crabbe is no fun. It gets on Minerva (plural of “Minervum”).

    Mmm…Oreos…

    Jon

  58. Jon, that was impressive. Someone might take Umbridge if they don’t Lovegood humor, even if you did Fudge slightly on a few of them.

  59. Harry Potter lovers,

    Thanks for unwittingly proving my point better than I could.

  60. No. Our acknowledgement of your ineffable superiority was quite witting, O Great One.

  61. CC, Give it a rest. Exercise some self-restraint. Respect Kaimi’s request.

    That’s my last direct comment to you on this thread, since I want to do what I just asked you to do – respect Kaimi’s request.

    Where are George’s and Fred’s creations when you need them – and does anyone know how to deliver them via the internet? (*Wink*)

  62. Yesterday, in my 7-year-old son’s Primary class:

    Teacher: (holds a picture of Nephi getting ready to kill Laban) What’s happening in this picture?
    Son: Nephi is chopping off Laban’s head with the sword of Griffendor!

  63. Ray, I’m not the one who read a children’s book for 9 hours non-stop. Who needs to exercise self-restraint?

    Sara R., anyone under the age of 12 gets a pass when it comes to Harry Potter.

  64. CC: Oh great one who administers the passes. How magnanimous of you to give passes to those under 12. What are the other qualifications to get one of your passes?

    Kaimi: Please keep your promise concerning CC.

  66. My 12-year old daughter: “Harry Potter IS like a bag of Oreos – yummy, yummy all the way through.” She also said to thank Jon for an AWESOME comment.

  69. CC,
    In airport terminals there are televisions in certain places for people to watch. Depending on the airport, and the location in the airport, some of these televisions are low to the ground and allow patrons to change the channel, so there has to be majority rule among the airport patrons in the area about the shows to watch.

    I was recently in a group that was watching one of these televisions. It so happened that the Simpsons was on the tv. The group was made up of quite a few young professionals, and we were clearly enjoying the show. One older gentleman, however, began complaining that he wanted to watch the news and that he couldn’t understand why the majority of the group wanted to watch “cartoons.” This man was clearly ignorant to the social significance, the comic genius, the pure pop-cultural enrichment of the Simpsons. To him, it was just a cartoon, and it didn’t matter that so many others could see what he couldn’t see. Essentially, he made the group miserable with his complaints. If he couldn’t watch the news, then he wasn’t going to let the group peacefully watch the Simpsons.

    Why do you have to persecute those who clearly see something very enjoyable about Harry Potter books, evey though you don’t? Are we to assume that you look down on everyone who doesn’t enjoy the same entertainment that you do? I don’t know you personally, but I’d be willing to bet that there are vast amounts of individuals more intelligent than either you or I that actually like the Harry Potter books. You have totally derailed Kaimi’s excellent post for your own selfish purposes and are thouroughly disgusting the rest of the group.

    Why don’t you go watch the news.

  70. Even though a Riddle here will tend to be a bit Fluffy, there are some that might turn out to be quite Marvolous. At least, they can appeal to the baser Kreacher in all of us who have not cast our senses of humor into the trash Binns. For those who have discarded humor, may I decry a Lock(ed)hart.

  71. As an aside, may I suggest that Mr. Literski adopt the moniker “Nearly-Headless Nick” for some of his more over-the-top comments?

  72. Ray, you are sly like a Fawkes. And thank you for the very nice compliment from your daughter. It made my day.

    “To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children…This is to have succeeded.”

    Jon

  76. Aw, man… Someone deleted CC’s post. Now no one knows what I am talking about, and *I* look like the pretentious jerk instead of *him*.

    O cruel Irony! Why do you mistreat me so? And why do I love you still?

  80. What am I meant to consider retracting? Just so we’re perfectly clear, I do anthropomorphize Irony as a beautiful woman, and I do have a crush on her. So I can’t take that back. It’s true.

  82. That’ s enough, y’all. The Trigger Finger of Deletion on my Hand of Glory is getting itchy. No more discussion of the demerits of HP, the demerits of those who insist on the demerits of HP, demands for apologies, etc.

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