We have always been clear that that our married children have two sides to their new families and we have also made it clear that while we may invite them to everything we also don’t want to hog their time or force them into difficult choices.
About twelve years ago I surveyed all our children to see who was coming for Thanksgiving. EVERYONE except our then youngest and unmarried son had other plans. So we settled in for the smallest and quietest Thanksgiving ever at our house. I bought one small turkey breast and a small amount of other fixings. Then about 10 p.m. the night before Thanksgiving one son called saying their plans had fallen through and asking if they could come to our house. Of course! That added four people, and a much a more festive feeling and we still had plenty of food. At 7:30 on Thanksgiving morning another son called. Their plans had also fallen through, followed over the next two hours by another son and our daughter and their families—Oh! My! It was by then too late to thaw a turkey and fresh ones were unavailable (besides we always eat around one.) We scrambled and had plenty of everything else, but the turkey was rationed with not a speck leftover.
Perhaps I should not have been surprised. One of the challenges of this stage of our lives is trying to figure out how many people (and who) we might be feeding at any given time. Our grocery bill has not decreased a dime since everyone left. In self-defense I have said, “If you can find it you can eat it (and clean up after) but I’m not cooking†(except for special events.) Otherwise with our constantly revolving door, I would be cooking all the time.
With less than 15 hours to Thanksgiving dinner, I’m still not sure what is happening this year. Three clear possibilities are before us. 1—My husband and I will be “alone togetherâ€, for the first time ever on Thanksgiving. (ALL of our children have already told us they are going elsewhere.) 2—There may yet be a repeat of the family story above, or 3—we invited several young couples from our ward to join us, but haven’t heard anything back from anyone for sure—so—perhaps our children AND ward members will ALL show up.
Lovely story. I’ve also found flexibility for the holidays is important. A few years ago at Christmas, one of our children asked if they could bring a stray friend along. I said yes, but later my husband grumped about wanting quality family time. So we got to our Christmas Eve traditions and were a bit lean on music since the most talented folks were out of town that year. The friend offered to sing, and gave an amazing rendition of O HOLY NIGHT. Turns out she had lots of voice training. Then she got out her flute. Bottom line: she more than sang for her supper, it was a real treat, and I’m so glad we welcomed her.
Now my off-topic question, since you have grown children in town, I am wondering, do they use a key and walk in the door like they still live there? Or do they knock on the door like guests?
We’ve been kind of walked-in on in somewhat embarassing situations a few times, and have kinda hinted that maybe knocking might be good. On the other hand, we really don’t want to discourage any interaction with these wonderful young adults, so we haven’t made any firm requests.
Though it is kind of strange to feel that you can’t do what you want in your own house. Any advice appreciated!
A growing trend — and one I support, by the way — even if you have family and friends in town, is to buy the Honey-baked Hams. The Honey-baked Turkeys are always excellent. Buy twice what you need for Thanksgiving and eat the rest of it throughout the month.
Another trend is the buffet at your nearest [Cracker Barrel|Luby’s|Chuck-a-rama|.etc.]. A bishop friend of mine with family in town had to make *reservations* at his local Cracker Barrel.
Make sure you post a comment to let us know how it turned out!
No honey-baked hams in those days and I’m not quite ready to “go out”
I think only our daughter has a key to our house but our back door is almost always unlocked when we are home, so all our kids do just walk in when the door is unlocked. I just walk into my mom’s house to this day. Our in-law kids and grandkids seem to either knock or knock as they enter. In the past my husband always knocked at my mom’s when I was not with him. Now days he uses his key to let himself in and then calls out, since it is getting harder for her to get to the door. (She will be 101 on New Year’s Day.) All of our kids and grandkids call out as they enter our
house.
In our case since they can only “walk in” if the doors are unlocked. If we want privacy we lock the doors. (It at least buys time.) Our daughter seems to understand. without our ever having talked about it that I can remember, that if the cars are here and the doors locked, to at least be cautious. Incidently, we have now got the point across to virtually everyone not to call us after 9 at night unless it is an emergency. One of the perks of being a senior citizen is being able to go to bed when you want.
To Nonny Mouse–
Our Thanksgiving ended up being just my husband and myself. We used the good dishes, lit candles and had all the traditional stuff. We even read Psalm 100 together and then sat around after we had finished eating and talked a bit about Thanksgivings past, including from our childhoods. I even made rolls for the first time in years, although it was clear I was way out of practice. By 2:30 we had cleared the table, loaded the dishwasher, boned the turkey and put the bones etc. on to boil for later soup. it was certainly the “easiest” Thanksgiving ever. But it had a sad edge too. Several of our children stopped by or called later. All asked if our strange day had been good or bad. The answer was “yes.”
As this original post suggested, life and holidays require ongoing flexibility. Next year and the year after who knows where we will be? “Somewhere” as missionaries, we presume. However for now, I am doubling looking forward to Christmas Eve when we will have all of our Utah children with us, for my favorite night of the year.