Polygamy Restored!

The leaks are just too many to ignore. It’s apparently official. Following the legal victories of alternative marriage advocates in state and federal courts, the Church will announce this weekend that the doctrine of plural marriage has been restored.

Polygamy was officially banned in 1890 under government pressure, though individual cases continued through at least 1908. In recent years, the Reynolds decision upholding the polygamy ban has been called into question. And cases have established rights to homosexual marriage in some jurisdictions, leading to earlier speculation about this weekend’s big event. While the news isn’t entirely unexpected, it does still have a huge impact on our lives as church members. And a surprise development has been the recurring rumor that under the new rules, women will be allowed to take multiple husbands in addition to men being allowed to take multiple wives.

However the details turn out, this is an important development. Millions of members are rejoicing at the advance news. The official annoucement will come in General Conference this Sunday. Don’t miss it!

24 comments for “Polygamy Restored!

  1. I like this announcement. But I’m not so sure about the reverse polygamy thing. I don’t think that women’s more sensitive natures are suited for being the polygamous one in the relationship. Men are so much better at that kind of stuff.

  2. Poacher! I so, so, SO knew about this before you did. Just wait till you see my bigger, better announcement on bCC!

  3. April fool’s day is such a STUPID, IDIOTIC idea. What is the point of having a day where you always have to second-guess everything anyone says or does. LAME, LAME, LAME. I’m not one who like jokes overall very much, so April Fool’s Day always has rubbed me the wrong way. People who are suckered into actually honoring it by playing tricks on their friends, be they innocent or cruel tricks, are the total fools in my opinion. Just being honest, and honestly I am disappointed to see some of the bloggernacle hubs indulging in the idiocy that envelopes everyone else on April 1. Isn’t there a safe haven anywhere? I know I will probably have to grit my teeth and grin and bear all sorts of idiotic joking tomorrow. (*steeling my nerves- it’s gonna be a long day- sigh*)

  4. Think of April Fools Day as the only carnivalesque activity that Mormons can actually do! I think we need something like Purim, Mardi Gras, or Rumspringa. Just Kidding. but, seriously…

  5. Oh Wow! Now my husband can legally marry another woman! How exciting! Yay! Someone else to do chores while I shop!

  6. I’ve regularly heard counsel that we should continue dating and courtship during marriage. This restoration of polygamy gives that counsel a whole new meaning. I guess I should not have thrown out the little black book.

    I can’t wait to wake up my wife and tell her about this.

  7. Don’t feel bad, Jordan, I’m sure I’d hate holidays too if it always meant sour milk in my postum.

  8. Thinking back to John H’s recent post at BCC, will all the juicy features of Nauvoo polygamy be restored, or are we only getting the not-quite-the-real-thing Utah version? Do I get to keep this from my wife for a time? Do I get to add already-married women to my collection? Can I start the propositioning right away?

    Incidently, Julie, Rosalynde and Kristine, check your emails…

    Aaron B

  9. Aaron,

    I believe that the implementation will be Nauvoo style for several chaotic years, followed by the more sedate Utah style.

    But just because it’s Nauvoo style doesn’t mean that there are no rules. For instance, you can proposition a fourteen-year-old _only_ if an angel, with a drawn sword, threatens you.

    [on reflection, redacted]

  10. Dude…I know it’s April Fools and all, but comment 18 was kind of gross.

  11. Man…you retracted it!!!
    Anyways, despite my opinion that it was kind of gross I actually thought your comment was funny. I should have inserted a smiley face. : )

  12. Jordan,

    You’re a southern lawyer now. They’re not supposed to know humour, are they?

  13. I DEMAND a restoration (as opposed to a mere reformation) of Kaimi’s redacted comment! If there’s offense to be had around here, I insist on being to experience the indignation first hand!

    Aaron B

  14. make jokes now but its were you are going when the laws of the land change. the law of the land dicktats the following of revalation. not trying to be nasty old rlds

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