What the Smith Boys Said This Year

December 11th

Nathan: “By a fluke, this year when I went to scout camp, I only packed one pair of socks.”

December 30th:

Nathan: “Now that the statute of limitations has run out, I can tell you what you didn’t know about that time when I was six and you caught me taking the screens off of my [second-story, Julie might note here] windows. Matthew and I were planning on using my sleeping bags as parachutes and jumping out the window to go and eat ice cream.”

January 9th:

Truman: “I can only learn one thing today. And today I learned the proper pitch to yodel.”

January 10th:

Simon, “You know, I was thinking about this recipe and how hard it is to get a recipe perfect. And then I thought, thank you, Patriarchy, for keeping all of those smiling women in the kitchen for all those years to perfect the recipes. Sniff, sniff, oh, I have a little bit of chauvinism in the corner of my eye.”

January 18th:

Truman: “They asked us in Primary which time in scripture history we wanted to go back to. But I couldn’t think of one because everything back then was all plague-y.”

January 21st:
Truman, completely seriously: “Do we have connections to the Mafia?”

January 29th:

Truman, completely seriously, to Julie: “I thought you were 29.”

February 2nd:

Julie: “Tru, please hurry and finish your lunch so we can finish your schoolwork.”

Truman: “Oh, I’m already finished with my lunch. Now I’m just stalling.”

February 4th:

Julie nags the boys (again!) about cutting their hair.

Truman: “But your hair is longer than ours!”

Nathan: “Why are you trying to enforce strict gender roles?”
Simon: “It’s the matriarchy!”

February 19th:

Truman: “You know, I should use my spelling words as my passwords online because I always remember my passwords.”

February 20th:

Truman: “Would you shame me if I had dinner for breakfast?”

March 3rd:

Nathan, complaining about Julie’s rationale for throwing away his pacifiers when he was a toddler: “What if I just took Truman and threw him out because I thought you were ‘getting too attached to him’?”

March 9th:

Truman: “Whenever anyone in this family says that he’s waiting patiently, he isn’t.”

March 16th:

Truman, completely seriously: “Do fish sticks have fish in them?”

March 29th:

Julie, upon realizing that Truman has no idea what a card catalog is: “Get over here. I’m going to teach you about your cultural heritage.”

Truman: “No. I’m not interested in learning about anything BT. That’s ‘Before Truman.’”

March 31st:

Part of Truman’s grammar assignment was to write an interrogative sentence which his teacher might say to him: “Will you do your chores, then give me a back rub, then run on the treadmill that powers the house, you stupid maggot?”

April 9th:

Julie explains to Truman that they should arrive at their relative’s house at about 10pm.

Truman: “So we’ll get there, do the whole ‘my, look how much you’ve grown!’ thing, and then go to bed?”

May 19th:

Julie: “I’m afraid if you don’t stop, you will go into a sugar coma.”

Truman: “I don’t know what that is, but it has the word ‘sugar’ in it, so I want to do it.”

May 16th:

Truman, facing down a Greek translation assignment: “It’s more like trans-hating.”

August 14th:

Truman, sweeping the floor: “I think I’m going on strike until you raise my allowance.”

August 14th:

Truman to Julie: “Stop staring at me! I’m not adorable.”

August 24th:

Julie: “Are you going to finish your math? Because there’s a pool party today and . . .”

Truman: “I see what you are doing! You are evil!”

August 26th:

Truman is getting a physical and the doctor is reviewing safety issues with him.

Physician: “So if you were out playing and someone asked you to get into his car, what would you do?”
Truman: “Depends—does he have candy?”

August 30th:

Truman: “Did you know that I’m the best in my grade? The head of my class? Prom king? The best athlete? And I set the curve.”

August 31st:

Truman: “Blue Bell should just come out with listeria-flavored ice cream.”

September 23rd:

Julie is explaining to Truman how the church chooses new apostles.

Derrick: “. . . and then they have the swimsuit competition . . .”

Nathan: “ . . . and then the prophet turns around, throws a Book of Mormon over his shoulder, and whoever catches it . . .”

September 25th:

Nathan, upon learning that the Vatican is a country: “So do they have nukes? Are they like, ‘Hm, some of those Protestant nations have been talkin’ smack?’ Do they waterboard people—with holy water?”

September 25th:

Truman: “Wal-Mart should sell little tiny stools. And then when you went in, they could give out stool samples!”

September 26th:

Nathan tells an extremely tasteless joke.

Julie: “No, no, no.”

Nathan: “I just did an important social service in helping to minimize the taboo on that topic. You’re welcome.”

September 28th:

Truman, with a smirk, “Mom, I’m having a really hard time learning these two Greek words because their English meaning is pretty much the same.” He hands Julie two flashcards. She turns them over: “the demon” and “the teacher.”

September 30th:

Julie: “Be sure you brush your hair.”

Truman: “Why? I’m not going to prom.”

October 4th:

Truman: “Why are you wearing a tablecloth?”

Julie: “It’s not a tablecloth! It’s a skirt!”

Truman: “I’m going to go upstairs and think about what I said.”

October 6th:

Truman’s Poem:

My Kind of School

my school’s a bum

all due to my mum

you cannot chew gum

and you’re not allowed to have fun

and you are never done

your brain will explode

and your eyes will implode

October 12th:

Julie: “I want to get a housewarming gift but I’m not sure what to get.”

Truman: “Thimble drums!”

October 19th:

Truman refers to the “tetris shot” he had to get in his foot. (Hint: tetanus.)

November 19th:

Truman, after doing something embarrassing: “And I don’t want to see this on any social media!”

December 2nd:

Truman: “If global warming melts the entire North Pole, what happens to Santa?”

December 13th:

Nathan: “I think it’s time to re-think this whole ‘everyone gets to vote’ thing.”

14 comments for “What the Smith Boys Said This Year

  1. Just so awesome, and more sophisticated and wicked every year. I can’t wait until they are 50.

  2. It’s the most wonderful post . . . of the year!

    Thanks for sharing these Julie. I’m with Craig H. Your boys just get more awesome every year!

  3. Now it’s truly Christmas time!

    (They kind of have a point about that matriarchy thing. How do you justify to them that you can have long hair and they can’t?)

  4. stephenchardy, it will go on next year’s. As you see above, there is one from 12/11/14 including in the 2015 list.

  5. I’ am a first time follower and instant fan. I will have to go back now and see what your boys have been saying for the last few years.

    Wish we had documents like this from 19th century Mormonism. I’d very much like to know what the precocious children were spouting forth then, but the Wasatch Literary Society meeting minutes are about as close as we come…

  6. The week of September 23rd was especially delightful. The apostolic Book-of-Mormon toss, stool samples, and the important social service of minimizing taboos… Love it!

  7. Sorry Julie: I noticed right after I sent you my question that your list began in December and not January. Your yearly postings are enjoyable and fun. Thanks very much.

  8. Julie, this is *always* my favorite post of the year. Thank you for this, again!! Even after all these years, I still laugh aloud every time. I wish my kids were that funny!

  9. Always a great read. I frequently wonder if it’s exasperating to deal with it all the time or just difficult to hold in the laughter. Maybe a mixture of both? Great stuff, either way.

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